Please DON'T DO IT Al1
So sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, and all the really shit things that happened to you both.
I can understand how events have driven you to the depths of despair, but there has to be a better solution other than ending it all.
I'm at a loss as to what to type. I've never met you but have had you help me out many times and for that I'm truly grateful.
I'm getting emotional typing this and all I can do is reiterate.
Please DON'T DO IT Al1