The end of the world

[daveb47]

In the year of our Lord 2012 God visited Noah and said unto him, “Once again the world has become unliveable and overpopulated. Build an Ark and take on it a pair of each living creature and a few good humans. In six months I shall send rain for forty days and forty nights, and all shall be destroyed.”

 

Six months later God returned unto Noah and said unto him, “Noah, you have not done as I asked. Where is the Ark? You have done nothing at all. Look at the gathering storm clouds! Tomorrow it will begin to rain!” Noah replied: “Forgive me, All Powerful One, I did all I could, but times have changed.

 

I tried to build the Ark but I needed a building permit and the inspector gave me grief over the regulation fire alarm system.

 

My neighbours formed an association in protest against the scaffolding in my garden as that violates regulations and obstructs their view. I had to get a mediator in to reach an agreement.

 

I had to do a feasibility study and cost up the transport of the Ark to the sea. They just wouldn’t have it that the sea was going to come to the Ark.

 

I then ran into trouble cutting the timber. Environmental lobby groups raised issues of contributing to deforestation and it was destroying the habitat of several endangered species, and the Ministry of the Environment didn’t recognise the authority I was given. I explained that on the contrary I was trying to save these species, but they were just not having it.

 

I was starting to get the animals together when the RSPCA and the WWF kicked off at me for acts of cruelty for collecting them against their will and taking them away from their natural habitat and shutting them up in a restricted space without the regulation space for them to display their natural behaviours.

 

Then the Environment Agency wanted a study done on the environmental impact of this alleged rain.

 

And all the while I was battling the EU working regulations for using volunteer workforce. I took them on because the unions didn’t like me employing my own sons saying that I must use suitably qualified labour and of course members of a union.

 

HMRC then seized my assets claiming that I was preparing to flee the country illegally and threatened to charge me with attempting to smuggle endangered and dangerous species out of the country without the appropriate permits.

 

So forgive me, Almighty, but at that point I could take no more and gave up on the project."

 

Then the skies cleared, a rainbow appeared and the sun shone.

 

Noah said, “Are you not going to destroy the world then?”

 

And the Lord replied, “No point. Red tape seems to be doing the job admirably.”

[Blackrat]

Haha.

To all you Muppets that thought the world was going to end: Congratulations, you're still Muppets.